Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
