eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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