did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
