Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Success! We fucked roommates!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
