Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
