you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
