marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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