You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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