Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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