all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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