Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
