If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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