Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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