what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
