Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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