She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
