Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
