O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
