We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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