R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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