dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
