Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
