He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
