plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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