What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
