Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He shit in the fireplace
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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