I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
