Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My feet surprised me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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