Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Bring me that man meat
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
