Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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