I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he puts the penis in happiness.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
