Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
