Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
