In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
