bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
