my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
