It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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