i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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