So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
