I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
