I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
