I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
