I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
