There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
