She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
