It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
