I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
