Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
