you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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