she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
